Keven's Movie Review: SAW: THE FINAL CHAPTER

If I can take one thing away from Saw: The Final Chapter that makes me happy – it’s that I’ll never have to see anyone else shut a door dramatically and say “Game Over” for the one hundredth time. Game over? Really? You’ve been saying that every goddamn sequel for seven years Saw. Thank you god that this is the FINAL Saw movie and what a fabulous note to go out on too with nothing resolved and the taste of bad acting fart still in my mouth.

The seventh film in the Saw franchise is the worst one and it’s the worst one by leaps and bounds. The acting by anyone other than Tobin Bell was atrocious. Nothing felt genuine here. There were no redeemable qualities in our lead character (was there one?) this go around and the movie ends the exact same way the others did. “Game Over!” – I’m shutting a door now while you scream; or “Game Over!” – I’m closing a door and walking away while your head explodes. But it’s never actually “game over” is it you a-holes? For a film labeling itself as the “FINAL CHAPTER” – I think this one ends on less closure than ANY of the other movies.

The Final Chapter plays out in a way that makes the movie feel as if the entire series is one giant episode of 24. All events occur in what feels like 1 day of chaos – or is it one week? If you watch the last half of the series, everything bounces around so much that it feels like the events are taking no more than 3 hours. This last movie opens up with I think is the coolest trap in a long time and I’m not talking about the trap itself, it’s not that neat mechanics-wise. What makes it different is that the trap is set in broad daylight and with a huge outdoor crowd. It was nice to see a change of setting for once and get the hell out of another abandoned warehouse with B-movie lighting.

Our main guy this time around is one of the Boondock Saints, Sean Patrick Flannery and it’s still the same formula where he walks through a seedy warehouse and is forced to do gross things in order to help people close to him survive. Spoiler alert – he doesn’t help too many of them. I did notice that the traps incorporated more sharp pipes for some reason – must be because they worked well for 3D in theaters. Cough cough cash-in. PS: I’m sorry to anyone that had to endure this thing in 3D. At least when I saw Jackass 3D – they knowingly were throwing 3D s*** at my face - Saw was not in on the joke.

Carey Elwes returns to cap off the franchise as well, playing Dr. Gordon, aka the guy who “saw-ed” his own foot off in the first film – get it? He “saw”-ed his foot off. But anyway, he’s back and he’s also gained quite a bit of weight, completely throwing another wrench into Saw’s continuity considering the absurd amount of flashbacks they had to shoot with the guy. It only makes the series look like even more of a joke. How many times are we going to jump back to the Jigsaw killer’s past and see him re-setting up the same trap from a different angle only to reveal YET ANOTHER SECRET APPRENTICE! WHOA! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!

Nothing makes sense anymore with Saw. The first film was a masterpiece and kickstarted the whole ‘torture porn’ genre of horror movies. Every sequel since then (which has been one EVERY year) has declined in quality significantly and every sequel has ended almost exactly the same. “Game over!” – please for the love of all that is sacred let this be “Game over” for real this time. This is one of the worst films not only of 2010, but of all time. I kind of want to fight Carey Elwes – and it’s not even his fault. But I still want to find him and punch him in his 5-year-old boyish hair for taking part in this stupid POS.