Pietro's Movie Review: PIRANHA 3DD
Published: May 31, 2012 - 2:42pm
You have to be going into Piranha 3DD knowing what's in store. Unless you've missed every trailer, poster and for some odd reason the innuendo in the title eludes you, you just can't miss it's blatantly obvious theme. Unfortunately, even having full knowledge of what to expect -- lots of ridiculously bloody kills and more fake breasts than you can see flopping around Miami Beach -- you may still be rather disappointed.
But even though I knew exactly what I was getting myself into with this followup (and I did in fact enjoy the first film quite a bit) it generally fell flat. The film is set in a once family friendly water park that has been transformed into a raunchy party destination chock full of female exploitation (yes, there's an underwater Coochie Cam) by a standard issue mustache-twirling corporate scumbag. And that's all you really need to know story wise before the genetically mutated fish arrive to feast on everyone. Now is when the hardcore fans can strap in and have their fun, from watching decapitated fish heads thrown at the screen or seeing one of the fanged swimmers nestle itself inside a vagina in hopes of eventually chomping on some unsuspectingly hard-on.
I wish I could say I was left with any other feeling except 'that was dumb' but I wasn't. It was just too much, in the same vein The Human Centipede 2 only offered a shadow of the quirky and devilish enjoyment of the first film. The only redeeming qualities were watching Christopher Lloyd and David Hasselhoff tap into the faint pulse of archetypes they once made famous and the 3D which was very well executed. But even that only goes so far, and after awhile it simply felt like a Saturday Night Life sketch that someone thought would make a great full-length movie.
Piranha 3DD seemed to be green lit on the nothing more than the flicker of popularity of the first film. Though there's absolutely nothing wrong with making a genre film for a niche fanbase, at the very least it should have some thought put into it to really please those fans. This is just one of those films that the more and more I think about it, the more unnecessary I feel it is.
Having awoken from their spring break extravaganza at Lake Victoria, the swarm heads upstream where they look to make a meal out of Big Wet, a local water park where when it comes to fun, nobody does it wetter! Though they came to get wet, get loaded and get some, the staff and patrons get more than they bargained for when they must face the fiercest, most bloodthirsty piranhas yet. Lead by the strong-willed, studious Maddy and her friends, Barry and Kyle, the trio must dive in and take on these man-eating creatures using every ounce of their being…but can they be stopped? Shot in 3-D and feauturing Esquire Magazine’s “2011 Sexiest Woman Alive,” Katrina Bowden and the return of Christopher Lloyd, Paul Scheer and Ving Rhames alongside fresh bait Gary Busey and David Hasselhoff, the film that took an $80 Million bite out of the box office is back for more…only this time it has double the terror and double the D!
From Feast trilogy director John Gulager and starring Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush, David Koechner, Chris Zylka, Katrina Bowden, Gary Busey, Christopher Lloyd and David Hasselhoff, Piranha 3DD hits theaters June 1st, 2012.